I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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