i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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