god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
