Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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