Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
