May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
