If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think people are normalizing furries
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
