I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
