Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
