I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
