drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
