I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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