it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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