He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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