i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
