So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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