grandma shit on top of the toilet
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
