you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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