In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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