You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
