So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So squirting runs in the family.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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