mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
