are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
