If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
