Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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