Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
