dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
