Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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