great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
