Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
