Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
