So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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