people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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