Sry I called you an 8
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
