im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
