and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
