If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
