all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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