my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
