I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
