DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
