I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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