I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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