Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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