Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
