mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
