he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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