I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
