I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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