Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
