i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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