I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
