People with herpes should wear stickers.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she smelled like a LAN party
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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