so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
