You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
